My mom said something to me the other night that triggered all these crazy, but kind of sane thoughts, so blame it on her. She doesn't care if you call her crazy, I've been doing it my whole life ;)
Anyways, I got to thinking about how down we get on ourselves and why. How we (especially women) are taught to act modest when it comes to our works. Yes, being a bragging, self-righteous idiot is highly annoying, but that doesn't mean that we have to hate ourselves either. Why are we taught to bat down flattery and praise, when that's simply what most people are looking for... that is why we are all really on Facebook, isn't it? Because we're looking to connect with other people, get a good laugh occasionally, and feel good about ourselves. No? Okay, maybe it's just me ;)
Anyway, this all stemmed from my crappy day yesterday. Nothing makes you feel like you're doing everything all wrong like getting handcuffed in front of your kids. Lucky for me, I got to go home. But unfortunately, the harsh realization of my choices, and then lack thereof (DUI from 2008 I have yet to finish dealing with) was slapped in my face. I'm now unable to drive until I get my license back, and I am being forced to fork over $3000 to pay my legal fees. Had I just taken care of this when it happened, I would be free from the courts and I would only have to pay half of those legal fees.
So yeah, I had a crappy day and felt like I really just suck at life.
It's really not true, and I know that but I definitely had a pity party for a moment until I realized that yes, I made a mistake but my life is not ending. Things will only get worse if I sit around and whine about it.
I decided that from here on out, I'm going to stop being so hard on myself. Yeah, I'll probably still walk away from a conversation, wondering why I said that because it was soooo dumb, and I'll still feel silly about how big of a dork I am sometimes and I'm probably going to feel really stupid for writing this blog because I'm pretty sure it doesn't even make sense.
But! I'm going to embrace it. Yep.
My life is kind of always falling apart, yet I still have a lot of moments of satisfaction. I am proud of my life, and I am proud of who I am... not always proud of the choices I make -- and I know I've made a number of big mistakes that have led me astray-- but I'm still proud of myself for what I've done and where I am and what I've accomplished.
I've definitely learned my lessons the hard way and unfortunately, some of them took a couple rounds but still, the lesson was learned and it was learned good.
For example, I now know :
- If you drop food under your burner, you should probably clean it out before it becomes a fire hazard.
- Vacuuming pine needles is never a good idea.
- If you push away people that care, eventually they go away.
- If your coffee pot has a setting to automatically start your coffee at a certain time, you should use it!
- You do things as a parent that you swore you never would and all the times you said you'd never do this quickly flash through your head as you pull through the McDonald's drive thru for the 2nd time that day...
- Don't drink and drive. But seriously.
- It's easy to judge a situation you've never been in, but there's no point. Either try to help or mind your own business.
- Friends are always, always important... but family is far more important.
- Your husband is a far better catch than any guy that paid attention to you for 5 minutes.
- You don't HAVE to buy your babies Christmas presents. They REALLY DON'T CARE.
Eric wanted to share a few things that he's learned along the way as well:
- Happy wife, happy life.
So true. ^
I'm happy to say that even though it has definitely NOT been easy, Eric and I are where we are today because of ourselves/each other/ hard work. We have had some setbacks, and we've definitely received help from family, friends, and even perfect strangers along the way...but we have never gotten a free ride. Some days, I hate that everything I want is so hard to obtain, and others I'm glad that I learned to appreciate the things I do have. If it was so easy to get, it would be so easy to forget...and that, my friends is something I hope you always keep in the back of your mind while shopping at Target. ;)
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