Transformation Tuesday

When I start to get complacent or lazy, I need a little push in the right direction...
Funny, how sometimes we find the inspiration within ourselves.

This post is really for myself... to keep me on the right track and remind me of how far I have come and how much I have overcome...but also to keep me in check as to where I want to go, what I am capable of, and what I will need to get there.

However, sharing my journey has given me copious amounts of motivation so I decided to share my thoughts with the general public. Kind of scary for me since I really have no idea who reads this, but I figured -- what the heck, right?

This picture is a little hard to endure for me. I LOATHED the picture on the left as soon as I saw it. Like, enough to make me want to cry. But for some reason, I didn't delete it. I think I somehow knew that I would want it someday. 

So with that being said, I don't have a lot of "Before" photos because I hated every single full length photo I ever had taken and deleted them immediately.

It wasn't until I started to get frustrated with a plateau that I took the Hubs up on his advice to start taking "progress pictures". It IS nice to see that sometimes our weight remains the same, but our bodies change. I've pretty much been at the same weight since December, which was frustrating at first. Then I looked back at pictures from Jan 1 and I could see the physical difference in the amount of fat on my body and changes in muscle definition, toning, etc...just from the last few months.

I enjoy my body right now. It's far from perfect; I have stretch marks from carrying two children in the span of 2 years, and some loose skin I want to cut off, and I've fed two kids with my boobs so those aren't so awesome anymore either (SORRY, TMI) but I don't wake up loathing my body anymore.

I wake up thankful that I have a body.

And that, my friends is something I never thought I'd say.

I'm determined to get to a point of confidence that I can acknowledge that we all have our days, and sometimes that dress does make us look fat, or the angle of the photo was NOT good, and just embrace those imperfections without being afraid of them.

The biggest transformation I've gone through this last year is not my physical transformation, but the one in my head. The one where I went from hating myself simply because I didn't like what I saw on the outside--despite feeling deeply satisfied with everything else in my life...to loving who I am, regardless of whether I feel guilty for stress-eating an entire box of Thin Mints in bed or feel on top of the world when I surpassed the goals I set for myself.

When I look back on my life, the only thing that I regret is that I didn't like myself enough to put ME first. I was my own worst enemy.

This journey is far from over; it has been one of the biggest challenges of my life and I believe it will continue to be. I think it will be something that I have to overcome every single day. I have to wake up every single day and say, 'Hey self. I like you. You're an awesome person even if you look like hell right now.' Because most days, I wake up looking like hell. And when I wake up looking radiant...nobody is around to see it, so... did it really happen?! ;)

Here's the best part about my "Transformation"... I don't know what size I am, I don't count calories, and I eat whenever I want. I ate frozen yogurt with all my favorite toppings on Tristan's birthday and didn't feel bad about it at all. This time last year, I was counting calories, stressing over numbers that really didn't mean a thing, and I was cranky because I was starving.

The reality is that this is a lifestyle change for me, not a temporary fix for a vacation I want to look good on. Starving wasn't working, and it wasn't any fun. Now I eat whenever I feel hungry and workout enough that if I want to have a treat I can. I'm learning to incorporate exercise into my life more so that me and my family can be active and healthy and have things we can all do together and feel good about.

And of course, I want to stay in shape so that I can keep up with my crazy boys. I refuse to be the Mom at the beach covered in a tshirt missing out on all the fun because I'm afraid people might see me in a bathing suit.

So thanks to all of my friends and family who have cheered me on and supported me through this "Transformation". It truly means the world to me and some days, it is exactly what I need to keep me going.

And of course, a BIG GIANT thanks to my husband for enduring all of my chatter about workouts and diet changes and supplements...for dealing with me when I throw a tantrum because I feel fat and nothing fits right, for pulling me up off the closet floor, and for telling me I look hot no matter what I wear ;) He is my greatest supporter and I can never truly thank him enough for being willing to accept and love me in all my forms.