Life, that is.
My answer? Always.
Just when you start to grow out of teenage angst and the awkward stage of living out of your parents house but still calling them for anything and everything...you go and do a silly thing like get married. and (or) have kids.
And it starts all over again.
Living in my very own apartment-- roommate free was an interesting exerience, to say the least. First of all, for those that don't remember-- I had to ask my very first roommate how to do my own laundry. LUCKILY, we are still friends :) Actually, both of my roommates are about to have their first babies so maybe I can feel like the smart one now and return the favor. *Redeem myself* Hopefully... :)
Once I was out and about on my own and outside of student housing, I realized I had to pay the rent AND the bills AND do all the cleaning myself AND stock my fridge and pantry and spices and buy pots and pans, and omg I didn't even have a broom. I walked the 4 blocks over to Bed Bath & Beyond, stocked up my cart and then realized I had to hike back to my apartment with all these things. I think I left with garbage bags, a sponge, a shower curtain, and what I thought was dishwasher detergent. Needless to say, it was DISH WASHING SOAP. (Evidently, it's a genetic disability to be able to decipher between dish washing soap and dishwasher detergent because at my families last two reunions someone has done this...and it wasn't me. )
All these things I had to remember to do and learn and buy. You wouldn't believe it. It was flustering and I think at some point I kind of gave up and wanted a roommate again. Slowly but surely, I started to get the hang of it. And then Eric came into the picture. And suddenly I had another person to "take care of". Little did I know, that was the easy part. Adding on to laundry I was already going to be doing and making someone's lunch didn't really seem like a whole lot of work. I could handle it. And then Tristan came along. And it was a whole world of fun. At first, I didn't mind changing the diapers or doing the baths, or feeding, and heaven forbid I let Eric dress him.
Back when I WANTED to wear a baby strapped to my front.
AND THEN... Ryan happened. It's hard to say whether the change happened because 1+1 equals 2, or if Ryan is just *special*. He's my little monster to say the least. One was soooo easy. I never lost a child in my own home back then. Tristan was just so content and good. He didn't play in my cupboards or terrorize my bookshelf, or lock himself in my closet.
PRE-CHILDREN, I was the kind of person who stayed up till 3am on average--just because. But when I was tired, I was tired. There was no bedtime routine, no brushing teeth... it was get home, take off pants, get in bed, the end. Now, this is impossible. I have no choice. I have two midgets running around my house that MUST GO TO BED. These midgets are pretty much helpless. I have to do everything for them. It's like they're babies or something.
Often, I wonder how people do it. Like, what do they do with their kids each night?
Am I doing it right?
Am I missing something?
And then I realize yes...yes, I am missing an extra set of hands to wrangle these kids with. I honestly don't know how single moms do it. Maybe I've been put in this situation to understand my mother a bit so that I'm not so hard on her. I always think about her when I just want to cry. I'm not a single mom. I do have help, and a very helpful helper at that. But because of Eric's work schedule, I get stuck doing a lot of things on my own. It's no secret that I loathe Eric's job. I'm home alone all afternoon and all night and I go to bed alone every night and I often feel really bitter about it. Something that you'd think one would get used to after over 3 years, but the bitterness just grows. I have my days, and I'm working on being thankful that Eric has a job and makes enough to support us without requiring me to work. I'm hoping that when that day shift finally gets offered to us, I will really cherish it, instead of taking it for granted. For now, I'm going to continue to whine about how I can't wait to be "normal".
(YEAH RIGHT, I don't know why I bother...I've never really been "normal")
Somehow this post turned very lengthy, and all with all that being said... I was giving the kids a bath tonight and started thinking about moms in general. Like I said, I'm always curious what people do with their kids, or what their routines are.
Stay tuned for a glimpse into my evenings alone with the kids... ;)
Juuuust teasing. Here you go:
CLICK THIS LINK. But seriously, it's the 2nd half of this entry.
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