2013-- In Summary

Wow. Does it seem like I JUST wrote a big long Facebook status about how thankful I was to be DONE with 2012? Well, shooot... Cuz 2013... You beat 2012 with the challenges. Jokes on me!

Kidding, really. So I had a rough year. I ain't even phased. Because you know what? I'm just THAT much smarter, and the smarter I get... Oh boy, watch out world! I'm gettin super smart!

Before I tell you all how super smart I got this year, I gotta start with my obligatory list of sh*t I'm thankful/grateful for...


First and foremost, I'm grateful to my husband (I still get to call him that, right?). For loving me when I couldn't love myself, for standing by me when everyone else was against me, for following me while I was lost and leading me back, but mostly for not giving up on me. No matter the outcome, you will always be my rock. 



For my kids who kept me going, who kept me smiling through the tears, for making me laugh when I wanted to cry, for reminding me who I am, and who I want to be.

&

To those that understood my journey, thank you.

Some might not understand me or my choices and that's okay. I've accepted that some people will just never understand, and some people just don't want to, and that's okay too. To those, well God gave us a middle finger for a reason right?

So on to the next...

2013. 

Full of ups and downs. What a year. It was truly the hardest year yet, but here I am... I'm alive, my kids are healthy, we have a roof over our heads, a fridge full of food, a car to drive, and I'm getting an education. We are going places. I feel extremely grateful for all the hardships of this past year. I have learned so much about myself, about the people I surround myself with, about life, love... the list truly goes on. 

"Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times... if one only remembers to turn on the light."


(I realize that a few people have already seen this, but for my friends and family that do not have facebook...as well as for the sole purpose of this blog--to document my family's journey)

There's always a few things to be thankful for...

Ok, I'm in a bit of a hurry because I have to get these monsters dressed and out the door soon, and I haven't even showered myself yet. So let's see if I can whip this list out. I apologize if it makes no sense. Sometimes my brain doesn't work correctly.

Anywho, thought I'd spend a little bit of time expressing gratitude for my crazy beautiful life. 

(See, Ke$ha & I were sisters in another life)

Ok, let's get to it.  Obviously I'm thankful for my two adorable, crazy, rambunctious, slightly insane, totally hilarious, too smart for their own good children. Seriously, if you think I'm crazy now just try to imagine what my life would be like if I didn't have any responsibilities. Scary, right? I feel ya.

I'm thankful for a fantastic baby daddy. This man can drive me more mad than anyone i've ever met, but at the end of the day I realize I cannot harm him because he is my children's father and a good one at that.  For real though, this man is stellar in the Daddy department. I'm a difficult woman and this guy does a pretty good job keeping up with me and my demands. So, yay! Let's hear it for Baby Daddy's! :)

My PIMA FAMILY; We laugh, we fight, we learn... We have definitely had our share of ups and downs together and it has been a wild ride, but oh so worth it. We are each other's dummies day in and day out. There's a certain level of respect and trust that goes into letting someone stab you with a needle for their first time. I don't know if I would have made it through the summer without these people, honestly. The thought of quitting crossed my mind, and then I showed up another day and I realized that these people were the ones keeping me going. I had a serious string of crap happening for awhile and these people just made me laugh, cheered me on, supported me and reminded me that it's life and we gotta keep going. They let me borrow pens and papers every single day until I could afford new school supplies after my car got broken into and the only thing they took was my backpack with all of my homework, they brainstormed with me on how to save my food when my power was out for 4 days, they've listened to all my boy problems and dealt with all of my Chive talk, cheered me on when I quit smoking, not said anything when I show up to class with no make up ;) But for real, the list goes on.  So these people, I am thankful for. I love each and every one of you!

New friends. Where would I be without all the new people I met this last year? Even the people who were in my life for just a short time, or for a few months, or whatever. They all inspire me to keep going. A friendly reminder that there is not just one person out there. There are plenty of fish in the sea, right? (Goes for both dating as well as friends, I think)

MY NEW NEIGHBORS! Yay! I love these 2 :) They've made my life a whole lot more interesting and less lonely. I used to spend my Saturdays & Sundays sleeping half the day away, sometimes wandering through trails or aimlessly wandering the shops and now I have these two boys to go on adventures with so I'm pretty thankful for them. Plus they spoil me ;) They make me get out of bed, and take me to movies and new restaurants, give me their wifi password, and make me coffee when I'm out of creamer. They drive me to school when I have a flat tire and then fix my flat tire because I don't know how. They're pretty awesome. Things feel a lot less hard when you have company to join you.

My list goes on, but my time does not. 

Happy Thanksgiving!

ASHLEY flies SOLO.

 

Hey, that's me! ^^^

Cuz this entry, is about me. YES! My 2nd favorite subject. 

My first, is obviously... these cuties:

(life's tough... get a brother)

OK OK OK... Back on subject.

I know a lot of people are like... WHAT IN THE $#%^ IS GOING ON?!

It's okay. So are we.

So... with that being said... not to state the obvious...but Eric and I are separated. We live apart, we lead separate lives. But yet... we share these two adorable little creatures together. And so, we are friends.

THERE YOU GO! I said it. 

We are "just friends".

It was hard to publicly state those words. Which is why I haven't.

Neither one of us knows who decided it should be this way (we can't agree on who's to blame... and so I'm going to compromise and say it was both of us), and neither one of us knows what's going to happen.

We are just as confused as you all probably are!

And so, until that day that we either sign the papers that will legally and officially separate our lives...or we suck it up and decide that we love each other more than we hate each other... this blog will be solely about my journey, and mine alone.

Afterall, I write this thing. Seems fair, right?

Don't worry, my little Eric fans... he is still a big part of my life and all my years of hard work nagging him for photos has actually paid off so he does still cooperate when I ask to snap a photo. Have no fear, he will still appear on this blog as my children's loving father and my partner in this crazy ride we call parenthood.

& YES, we will still participate in family events together and you know what? We might do that until the end of time. We get along, we love our kids, and it's obvious our kids like to be around both of us at the same time. Plus, we're both kind of selfish and neither one wants to be left out of all the fun stuff with the kids. Because they are cuuuute and funny.

Plus it's just not as funny when we have to repeat the hilarious commentary our kids say.

It's like "Ok...no? Not funny? Sorry, had to be there" (That's a ZINGER line if I ever heard one...btw. Don't ever say that to me.)

So that's that.

Moving on....
Drum roll please....

I'm going to let you in on a little secret.

BEING A SINGLE MOM IS HARD. And I kind of hate it.

If you can't tell... I'm sitting outside the door to my children's bedroom...holding it shut while tiny little bodies pull as hard as they can on the other side.

I'm currently taking applications for the following:

• Maid; Yes, my little apartment is sometimes kind of hard to keep up in between all of my naps.
• Driver; this position requires that you get my kids in and out of my 2 door car each and every time we need to run into the store for ONE THING. Or you could sit with my kids in the car while they scream their face off because I ran into the store by myself. That works too. (They used to do this to Eric and I. The one who had to stay in the car with the kids secretly hated the one that got to run the errand)
• Diaper changer; Self explanatory.
• Nap nanny; I'm not sure if this coincides with the actual term "nap nanny" (because I have no idea what a nap nanny is) but in my world, you will put them to bed and not leave until they are passed out for good.
• Therapist; I'm in serious need of some therapy sessions. I might sleep a lot during them...possibly drool. You are not allowed to judge me when I do this or when I tell you I wanted to hang my kid outside the window upside down today. You will nod and smile and tell me I'm completely normal.

Despite the fact that I'm pretty sure my classmates think I'm a strung out crackhead (usually show up with no make up on and slightly delirious/high on caffeine and anxious from sitting in traffic for an hour) and I really only "get ready" for work these days, I'm doing A-OK. Kinda breaks my heart to say this, but the transition of being alone hasn't been hard at all. Due to Eric's work schedule, I spent a lot of time alone anyway and I always went to bed alone so those parts of being a single Mom don't bother me. 

Me and the kids always have fun. We make the most of every day, even on the worst of days. As any Mom knows, there's no such thing as a bad day when you're a Mama.

When we first separated and I got my own apartment, people would ask me things like, "OMG isn't it SOOO nice to have your own space?" or "Do whatever you want"... and I just LOLed at them. Being married is kind of like living alone in some aspects; you walk around in your underwear, you put your pj's on as soon as you get home, instead of doing something about it you just state "I stink" so that the other person is aware that you know you stink, and hell... I stopped shutting the bathroom door a long time ago... is that TMI? Sorry, I have no filter. 

The best part? I decorate the way I want because NO MAN lives here and I can be as girly as I please. No compromising or choosing neutrals when I'd rather choose hot pink. 

Feels good to finally get that out in the open. 

With that being said, I hope I cleared some things up for people.

And I hope you all know that as soon as we make a decision and decide we want to share it with the public... we will. 

So for now, please keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times until we have come to a complete stop.

We hope you've enjoyed the ride.

MA LIFE

Pronounced either "Muhhh Life" or 

M.A. Life aka the life of a Medical Assistant (student)

So, a few of you know how I spend my time these days, but in all honesty... I don't talk about it enough.

This new phase of my life is amazing. It is CHALLENGING, interesting, disgusting, awesome, fun, hard, sometimes not so fun, and sometimes draining... but I love it. I finally found something that I love to do that keeps me on my toes. Lord knows I need change 24/7.

What I do these days:

My alarm goes off at 5 am. My brain doesn't usually work so well at this hour and I press snooze a lot some days. Eventually I get out of bed and attempt to have a smooth morning, which usually by 6am, I've failed and things are basically frantic and not so much fun. I try to get the kids out the door by 630, which usually requires some sort of bribery or else they're half awake and have no idea whats going on. In this case, it's best when I have limp bodies who refuse to wake up. Drop them off at daycare, which is a hit or miss type of deal. Sit in traffic for a little over an hour, and eventually make it to class. 4 hours of school. 

I can't even beging to list the amount of things I have learned and now know how to do, but here are the fun things:

• I can draw your blood like a vampire, only with a needle and through a tube. 
• If you ever need some morphine in your butt... I'm your girl.
• I can tell you what the name of every single operating utensil is called...despite whether I know how to use it or not (I will not be performing surgery...ever. But I will be assisting so apparently this is important).
• I know how to clean up a spill like a pro. I know...you thought that as a mother, I'd already know this...but YOU'RE DOING IT ALL WRONG. There's so much more to it. (insert sarcastic drip here)
• I can rock a yellow banana suit like nobody's business.
• I can stitch you up, and I can take those stitches out. I can also staple you, and remove those staples. Just in case.
• I can strategically toss sterile operating utensiles onto a tray without crossing the sterile margin. Oy. 
• I can also prep your skin for a minor surgery, like a mole removal. 
• Oh and if you ever need your temperature taken, I can do that too. As well as check your pulse to see if you're still alive.

All these things you don't realize somebody actually went to school to learn...but here we are. Learning sometimes trivial stuff that is sometimes actually a lot harder than one might think. A lot of little details that you don't think matter. Like, for real. Today I passed off on how to instruct a patient to pee in a cup. Ladies and gentlemen, apparently this is not common knowledge to everyone.

My teacher's favorite phrase is "Common Sense is not that common". 

So Let's be honest... I come home and nap before I go get my kids from daycare. 

In the beginning, I was overly eager to pick up my kids from daycare the minute I got out of school. I think it was that "Mom Guilt"... and then I got over it.

(Oh yeah, I also work on my off days from school-- Fri, Sat, Sun-- so I value my sleep these days)

So yeah....This is my life these days. It's my top priority. For awhile, I chose kids...then school. and then I realized, that in my heart...my kids are always # 1...but in reality, school must be first because ultimately it puts my kids first. So there it is. I'm sacrificing time spent with my kids so that my kids will eventually have a better life. I see everything as a win-win. They LOVE daycare, I LOVE school. We all have new friends, we are all busy, and we are stimulated and learning. What could be better? It's all about perspective people. 

As a stay at home mom, I could hardly see this way of life as a dream come true...but now, I see it as just that. 

Maybe not the way I envisioned...but I've learned to adapt.

Some mornings are a little tougher than others, and I kind of want to lay in the fetal position and cry...and then I remember... if I can get them to daycare, someone else will have to deal with their antics all day instead of me. Chant with me, "DAYCARE DAYCARE"....ok, no? Well, whatever... I love daycare.

And if you don't believe that we play just as hard as we work, here's a little preview of how crazy fun we are:

HARLEM SHAKE-- M.A Style

Apartment in the City

Apartment Living/ Single Mom status/ My new life:

My new apartment:

1 Bedroom

Downtown Tacoma

4plex

MINE.

So the apartment is a ONE bedroom. LEGALLY and because I'm like an awesome Mom, the kids have the bedroom and I have...well, the living room. It's pretty awesome actually. I can lay in bed and see the kids while they're playing without having to move a muscle, I can watch a movie from in bed, I can bark orders loud enough to be heard throughout the entire apartment... why would anyone need a bedroom?

Oh yeah, privacy? Clearly, I don't have any of that...I have a blog.

The Pros & Cons of apartment living? 

No yard = No yard work. Also equals no yard to play in. However, I do have a side yard the kids can play in, but my landlord doesn't believe in lawnmowers apparently.

Neighbors... Oh neighbors. I feel like it's a love/hate relationship. It's kinda nice to know that I know all my neighbors and if I scream loudly they will probably be concerned and come to my rescue. With that being said, if you've ever heard my little girls boys scream...I'm pretty sure my neighbors hate me. 

Stairs. Enough said.

It's called "My apartment is hella old"

Things I'm lacking:

Laundry services available IN my apartment (there are shared machines downstairs though...and they're free, so I can't complain too much about this)

Food Disposal; You honestly never realize how much you use one of these things until you don't have one. And I'm like a super anal freak about smells and what goes in my garbage so this is a huge deal to me. During both pregnancies, we kept our diaper pail and garbage in the garage because I couldn't handle it. And if you ever put a banana peel in my garbage... I will find you. 

Dishwasher. I hate doing dishes.

Oh the best part? I wake up Saturday morning (while Eric has the kids I have what is called FREEDOM) and I text my dear friend, "Yo... I'm out of coffee creamer" and she says, "Come over...BYOB" (Bring your own breakfast). 

I love having friends for neighbors! It's been a LONG time since I've lived within 20 minutes of any of my best friends. 

I also live within walking distance to 6th ave which just so happens to be a strip full of fun things to do (like shop and drink coffee and have Mimosa's and brunch) and my place of employment (which is a restaurant/bar/club)...

So that's it. My new life.

It was the worst of times, it was the best of times.

COUCH SURFING ADVENTURES

PT. 1

Sometimes you find yourself homeless. Wait, no...not really. It's actually pretty rare and I suppose it would take a lot to get to that point. But nonetheless, I found myself in an interesting position this summer. 

I found myself being forced to make a decision I had long since delayed... and hence, found myself among the pillows of my nearest and dearest friends couches. 

Actually, in all reality I only slept on a couch a few times. Some of my friends homes felt like being in hotels (you know who you are, pepita) and for the first time in months, I had finally felt home. My friends were amazing to me this summer. They took me in, gave me beds to sleep in, often fed me, provided lots of entertainment (aka distraction from my so called "real life") and well, I suppose I owe them some money for the therapy sessions as well. 

So to those friends, thank you. a million times :)