Hello, Tinder... it's ME, again.

So yeah. I re-activated my Tinder.

What can I say? I love meeting strangers in dark alleys coffee shops.

My friends have been giving me crap since 2014 about playing the Tinder game- saying they can't keep up with who's who and all the guys., blah blah blah. I admit- sometimes I've gone a little overboard and I can't decipher between Chris Tinder and Chris 2 Tinder, and I've had to add emoji's or pictures to their names so I can remember who's who or change their last name from Tinder to Kentucky so I can remember where they're from. There are a lot of Chris, Matt, and Cody's out there, it's not my fault.

Their second complaint is that it's trash and like, do I REALLY have to date? And god, I have awful taste in men. Why Tinder?

The answer: YES I HAVE TO DATE. It gives me something to look forward to, and something to do on the weekends while my kids are gone and my friends are busy canoodling with their boyfriends and planning their weddings and babies and whatnot.

Also, sex. and I'm not getting any younger. So there. Shut up about it.

And YES TINDER. Because I tried a few other dating sites and they were too formal, too pushy, and felt like harassment. Tinder is great because we've already agreed that we have a mutually shallow attraction to each other. Plus I've got the swiping down to a science. Left, right, left, left, left, left.

So yes there are a lot of guys, and there are a lot of dates, and a LOT of ups and downs... but in my defense, it's not like I'm stringing along several guys. I mean, ok I am- but I'm also genuinely interested in some aspect of each guy. I wouldn't waste my time or energy conversing with someone that I didn't have at least an inkling of an interest in. I'M NOT A GUY. Ok, that was a low blow but seriously guys- WTF?

SIDENOTE: It's like men think that because their egos are so fragile that ours are too. Newsflash- they're not. I think I speak for several women when I say we will be okay if you just flat out say "I'm not that interested in you." In fact, we will be grateful and we'll delete your number from our phone and never think about you again. Really, its the truth.

So with this being like my 7 billionth round of 'delete app, fuck guys * 2 weeks pass* get bored, re-add app' I finally realized... I keep doing it. I'M ADDICTED TO TINDER. So why? Is Tinder the definition of insanity? Maybe.

For you Tinder haters out there- we'll have to agree to disagree. Because I've decided to give Tinder another go for the 27th time and while yeah, my friends are right- I have awful taste in men... I'm going to keep dating.

Remember that one time I said I'd talk about the 5 people you meet on Tinder? I had to abandon that idea because I realized there's not five different people you meet. They're all the same. WE are all kind of the same. When it comes to dating, we're all in the same boat. Trying to figure out the rules, trying not to get hurt, not break too many hearts. And occasionally get laid somewhere in there. We're all kind of assholes. So I gave those guys a break. I forgave them. Because somewhere inside of me, I can be a fuckboy too.

You see, after my divorce I wasn't ready to date but I thought I was. I was (am) a hot mess, and I kept picking guys that weren't right for me, possibly subconsciously. I picked guys that looked good and had several red solo cups in their pictures because I was looking for a good time. Over the last couple years, I've gotten better at screening my dates. And like, mellowing out. Sorta. We're working on it. 

But I don't regret any of that. Dating guys that essentially were a good time but meant nothing to me, helped me-- it helped me get through the loneliness, and the transition period where I didn't even know what my own name was, the awkward phase of learning how to date-- like how do I eat this burger without getting it all over my face while still attempting to look semi attractive and how to not give away that I'm a total psycho on the first date, and most importantly it f*cking helped me get laid-- and that is important post divorce, no matter what anyone tells you. But hell, 2 1/2 years later I'm STILL learning. I'm learning what I want and what I don't want. 

And even though, I'm a rare breed-- a single, (almost) divorced Mom with two kids-- I'm not really much different, and I'm certainly not alone. It's not like I'm entering this playing field years out of practice and everyone else knows what the f*ck they're doing. Everyone else is just as confused as me. And that's because my generation never dated. We threw parties with red cups and joints in our parents glass houses while they were out of town, snuck off to corners and closets to make out and other things, and the only date any of us ever went on was Homecoming or Tolo, and even that was a group thing.

Maybe this is why we are all ASSHOLES? Because our parents never taught us any manners, or how to ask a girl on a proper date, or how to tell a guy no, or which freaking fork to use for our salad. No that's not it. We were told. Maybe our generation is just f*cking lazy. We think taking a girl out for drinks suffices as a good first date, and that as a woman we should accept this if he's cute enough. (No, we shouldn't) and no, that's not it either. We've all heard Grandpa's story about how hard he had to try to win Grandma's heart after she told him to stick it where the sun don't shine, we've seen the movies where people did actually go on dates and where men and women had to ask each other out in person instead of through an app. I'm not really sure why we are all assholes or why we suck so bad at dating but the only way to figure this all out is to do it. Date, that is.

The way I see it, I just keep getting better. (HA) And not in a conceited way. In an experience kind of way. Even my friends have started saying things like, "You're picking better guys! He wasn't a complete douchebag, just a little bit douchey" Occasionally there's a totally off the wall "WTF" kind of date-- you know, the one where they look nothing like their picture and the conversation isn't even remotely interesting and then you spend the rest of the date texting your friends SOS BITCHES- SAVE ME. Or calling them to slur "I love you" while you're sitting next to your own puke on the sidwalk.

I never said I was perfect.