Sappy Kindergarten Mom Post

Gosh, I can't believe this day that I've looked forward to has finally come!

Yeah, you read that right. I HAVE BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS FOR FOREVER. 

My child woke up and immediately asked if he was taller. We measured him and all hell broke loose. He was FREAKING out because he wasn't tall enough to start Kindergarten. Oh boy, off to a great start.

I insisted that he was old enough, and tall enough and that he HAD to start Kindergarten.

I've never been a helicopter Mom. In fact, I apologize to my Mom-Friends that ARE helicopter Moms but seriously, sit down, you're irritating me. Don't be offended. My parenting style makes some people irritated with me too, so I understand. I'm mostly non-judgemental, I actually feel bad for you. I know it's just natural for you to worry and maybe you genuinely believe that hovering over your children will benefit them. I prefer the hands off approach and I genuinely believe in my approach as well. I'm a relaxed parent and some people think this means I don't care. I have an inappropriate sense of humor and I have found it physically impossible to help my kids do something they surely can figure out on their own. But don't be mistaken, I definitely care. I have high expectations of my kids: I require please and thank you's and I expect them to pick up after themselves and tell me they love me. I want them to be self-sufficient human beings. I also want to carry on with my independent life. I love my children fiercely but I also really love naps.

Kindergarten = Mommy naptime

Seriously, in my wildest dreams, I have envisioned a day where I would be able to take a nap and wake up to find my home exactly the way I left it when I fell asleep. My kids have been known to "take naps" in their room that lead to complete and total chaos. Apparently it's necessary to take every single toy out and throw it on the floor in order to fall asleep.

I've also dreamt of going to the grocery store in peace. One kid = peace. Two kids = war. Its far easier to bribe one child than it is to convince both children of the same bribery.

To say I was far more disappointed with the first day of Kindergarten would be an understatement. Ryan was so bored with me that he never left my side. "Will you play with me?" "I'm hungry" "I'm still hungry" "I want a sandwich with nothing on it" "Will you build my Batman legos for me?". He kept retrieving snacks from the cupboard for Tristan, you know... for when he gets home from Kindergarten. Because he will clearly need 7 packs of fruit snacks, a banana and 2 applesauces. I guess they don't feed them when they go to school jail. I tried to take a nap but you know how that works. Everyone and their mom finally decides to text and call me the minute my head hits the pillow. When my body is vertical and I'm fully caffeinated...nobody ever calls me!

The most disappointing thing happened when I dropped Tristan off. HE DIDN'T EVEN SAY BYE TO ME! I was distracted by this adorable little girl in a Maxi skirt and blazer who REALLY didn't want to go to Kindergarten. She hadn't even set foot on that magic circle rug but she HATED Kindergarten. I helped Tristan hang up his backpack in his locker, put his lunch box away and was standing there watching the scene play out when I realized my kid disappeared. I peeked my head inside the classroom to find him sitting on the rug fist pounding a little boy he just met. To disturb... or not to disturb. That was the question. AHH. I thought I could handle this! I kind of expected him to be shy and want to hug me and you know, maybe not want me to leave. He IS my sensitive one after all. But he didn't even care. I cried a little inside, but held it together.



I yelled to him and said, "Hey bud. I'm gonna leave, ok?" and he said "Bye Mom!"

As I walked back to my apartment (Hey, we live across the street, this is so cool!)... I really felt like man, I should put this kid in his place. I felt like the whole I BIRTHED YOU WITH NO DRUGS card could really come in handy right now.

When I picked him up, I asked him how his day was. "Awesome, of course." I asked what he did, what he learned, if he remembered his teachers name, if he made any new friends. I was HOVERING. I HAD TO. He told me "I have a lot of work to do, Ok Mom." I said, "Ok, yeah. Well I can help you if you need. What kind of work do you have to do?" and he told me "Just a lot of stuff but I don't need to tell you about it ok?" WOAH. Why so many secrets little child? So I had to set him straight. We worked it out. I explained that I'm the mother and that my job is to help him and I need and want to know what's going on at school and like the good child that he is (can't take credit for this, he was literally just born this way) said, "Ok Mom, you can help me".

So it's official. My little tiny human just entered the big scary world. It wasn't until the moment it was happening that I really didn't want it to happen. The realization that the baby phase is leaving my life just hit me. Nobody needs my help anymore? Are you sure you don't want me to come with? I'll just sit quietly, I won't bother you. I can't just take you wherever I want, whenever I want? My little buddy who has HAD to come with me everywhere is going to start his own independent life. My heart was breaking a little bit at the thought of not knowing all the details of his day, but I couldn't help it. I'm so excited for him. This is where it all begins. The fun. I had to be a little excited for him, remembering my own mischief I got into at the ripe elementary status. Some of my best memories came from elementary school. Some of my best friends came from Elementary school.

 I mean, at least I didn't cry.

I'M WRITING A BOOK!

So, as some of you know...

I've been writing a book.

I know right? Like, for real? Is she serious? Who does she think she is?

I think I'm Ashley Thompson and I have a GREAT story.
Some people are probably going to end up hating me WHEN the book comes out (not if), but that's okay. I just felt like this is it. This is my story. I've been waiting my whole life for my story.

I've wanted to write a book my entire life. For as long as I can remember. Some kids say, I'm going to be an astronaut! My 5 year old wants to be a racecar driver and my 4 year old wants to be a Police Officer some days and a Firefighter on others, but mostly he wants to be Batman. But I, I wanted to be an author. Not a writer. I've been that for as long as I've been left handed. But an author. I wanted to write a book.

I never knew what I was going to write about. I mean, there are SO MANY THINGS I can talk about. I'm sure all of my Facebook friends can agree. They probably scroll through their feed and think, GOOD GOD LADY GIVE IT A REST. But that's what happens when you live with Toddlers and all your friends are getting married.

Even after I decided that I was going to write a book, I tried to narrow it down. Literally, my life should have been a book. I do a lot of really weird things and people tell me on a regular basis that I should write a book. I don't see things in black and white, and therefore I end up losing in the game "I have never" consistently. But I couldn't write about most things in my life because well, I have parents. And they're still alive.

But I have been given a gift. It's a gift of being able to talk a lot. Some of you might not think it's a gift. But I've come to accept that I'm just not for everyone. I once had a guy tell me I post too much on Facebook and that's why he didn't want to date me. HA. What I really wanted to tell him was that if he thinks I post a lot, you should just meet me in person. I can dominate a conversation like nobody's business. It's why my best friend and I have been friends for so long; because she's quiet and shy and I just talk talk talk and pry things out of her. She doesn't even have to ask me what's going on in my life because I volunteer that in the first 20 minutes. I realized way too late in life that these are the type of people I should stick with-- the people that just like me, that accept me and have the balls to tell me to shut up so they can talk ( I have friends like that too, I LOVE YOU GUYS).

My favorite boyfriend (yes, I have favorites) told me once a couple years after we broke up. "It was so awesome dating you. I'd just sit there and nod and smile and play my video games and you'd just go on for hours and you never ran out of things to talk about". That's why he's my favorite. God damnit, the ones that get away. (I was an asshole)

So anyway, it finally hit me. THIS IS IT. This is what I am supposed to write about.

This book is gonna be good. And not like how my blog is good. I don't even proofread this shit. I just type away, close my eyes, and click publish. But I've got a story to tell, and it's important and I hope it changes a few lives.

So yeah, that's it. That was the only reason I called you all here to read my blog; to tell you that.